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As Of Late…
As of late…
Life has been so crazy. We were having a great time celebrating Skyler’s birthday[[Lunch at Zupas, Shopping and watching the Lion King at the dollar theater]] we were wrapping things up with dinner at Noodle’s & Company [[his pick]] and on to cake and presents at my parents house. BUT… as soon as we had ordered our food and sat down my padre called. Wondering if he could still make it to dinner, I started staring off into space and could not move my gaze. I could hear my dad asking me if I was still on the phone. I wanted to tell him “Yeah I’m still here” the words were in my head but they would not come out of my mouth. I could feel my body locking up, I couldn’t move. Skyler came and grabbed my shoulders and asked me if I was okay. Once again I couldn’t respond. I was becoming more and more scared by the second. Then everything went black. When I woke up I was in the ER. I don’t remember getting in an ambulance or getting wheeled into the ER. I was in a hospital gown and my shoes, necklace, and shirt were off. [[I had no idea how I got to that point]] I knew I had another seizure, my body ached and my tongue was swollen from me biting on it. I felt terrible that I had ruined Skyler’s birthday, but he was sitting there right next to me with that worried look in his eyes. We sat in the ER for 4 hours, no answers no nothing. Like usual. So we went home. The next day we had a re-do for Skyler’s birthday cake and all. I was so glad he could enjoy his cake and everyone that came to wish him a happy birthday.
A few days ago we went to a Neurologist [[lucky us Dr. Brown was able to get us in a day later or else we would have had to wait 3-4 months!]] We went in not expecting any answers [[Mark never got answers]] and we didn’t get anything but bad news. To prevent me from having another seizure and possibly hurting my children I had to be on medication. Medication meant no more nursing. And I wasn’t ready for that. I had become fond of the bonding time I had with Lauren while she nursed and I wanted to stop on my own time not because someone was making me. I knew the right answer but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I cried pretty much all week, and today was my last day nursing. I cried as I fed Lauren for the last time. I could still take the medication and nurse but the medicine gets through the breast milk. And I could not risk it getting to Lauren. It could also cause possible birth defects in future children. Which, to be quite honest and frank, broke me. I spent all my life not smoking, drinking, or doing anything that could possibly prevent me from having healthy babies. And now I have to depend on something that could cause defects. I had limitations. But the fear of not wanting to get out of bed because at any moment I could seize and harm Paris and Lauren out weighed nursing. The defect bridge would have to be crossed when I came to it, we still have no solution. I have felt broken all week, but thankfully I had such great friends and family to lean on. [[Mom Dad Marky Kelsey Sarah thank you all I love you with all my heart.]] Most especially Grandma Petra who had long talks with me and Skyler who let me cry on him for hours on in.
I dont know what the future holds but hopefully it is seizure free.
x..
PS EEG on my birthday….oh joy.